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 Colorado Sandstorm Music



The Ballad of Alice the Ogre

©1994, 1995 Sandra L. Reay, Patrick Bone

Colorado Sandstorm Music, B.M.I.

Ms Alice the Ogre
  Could drive a drunk sober
  Then turn him to drinking again
  But there was a time though
  When she did not act so
  Old Alice was normal back then
chorus Alice Alice
  Alice was normal back then
  Alice Alice
  Old Alice was normal back then
She was a school teacher
  And during the school year
  Her conduct was proper enough
  Until Dippy Daisy
  Drove poor Alice crazy
  Which led her to doing strange stuff
Daisy was dippy
  And Daisy was lippy
  And Daisy played tricks all day long
  As soon as the lesson
  Was fully in session
  Dear Daisy would break out in song
She was a contralto
  Or was that an alto
  No matter. Her voice could break glass
  Like scratches on blackboards
  It sent Alice skyward
  To land bottom up in the trash
"That's it" said old Alice
  Her voice full of malice
  "I'm through being nice to you all
  From now on its my turn
  To make sure you all learn
  I'm read to loot, burn, and maul"
And so for example
  I'll give you a sample
  Of Alice's classroom rapport:
  To all in her classroom
  She lets it be known soon
  She gets crazy mad at failure
Therefore in her courses
  She points to her purses
  Where she keeps her "teaching techniques"
  Which soon as you look at
  Will leave you no doubt that
  Her technique is truly unique
A 357
  Could send you to heaven
  For failing her final exam
  A steel ball-peen hammer
  She calls her late-whammer
  Though no one's been tardy again
And then there's her ripsaw
  Which someone should outlaw
  Intended to rip more than wood
  And for some strange reason
  All during school season
  Her class acts unusually good
For no one has tested
  Nor school teacher bested
  Old Alice's strange lesson plans
  And none in her classroom
  Has dared to face doom soon
  By failing her lofty demands
Except Dippy Daisy
  Who made Alice crazy
  And caused her concern for her health
  As rumor would have it
  Dear Daisy is well set
  And pushing up daisies herself
There's A Dead Boy in the Attic - Sandy Reay, Peter Schwimmer, Patrick Bone
  The Ballad of Alice the Ogre
There's a Dead Boy in the Attice and Other Strange Stories yellow black and red book cover with a cartoon boy looking at a face in an open attic door
©Patrick Bone a drawing of Alice the Ogre with black and gray hair angry eyes downturned mouth and arms crossed
©Patrick Bone
"Patrick, an author, loves scary stories. His books and short stories were published nationally. He wrote some delightful Halloween-style children's poems and asked me to turn them into songs. I heard music in the words, and Peter helped me make them come to life."
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